Breathe deeply , see the stars every once in a while , and put your wholehearted self-love into practice .
Dear Self ,
What’s with all of these faces you put on ? You’re always trying to make everyone think you’re happy or smart or independent or strong . You act as if the world will step on you if you don’t let it see you cry or , for once , say “no , I’m not okay” . You’re not okay .
All of the “I’m fine”s and “Don’t worry about me”s don’t go away , they build up . Eventually the pressure becomes so great that we can no longer hold it in and it gushes out in ugly , manic spurts . The person you try to hold on to when you were lying to everyone else becomes warped and unrecognizable .
Here lie the seeds of self-loathing . This is the beginning of a vicious cycle.
I believe there are circumstances in which a group of people may expect you to be the “strong one” or the “happy one” and it’s not because they want to control you , it’s because they need you to be that person in order for them to identify themselves in your life .
We expect each other to be like characters in a tv show , playing archetypal roles consistently from week to week . Predictable . Safe . Comforting . It’s all a little too confronting when people change . It means that they might have to change , too .
That doesn’t justify their actions and it doesn’t mean that it’s not okay to change . It only explains why people react the way that they do- they’re just afraid . But its not your job to keep people unafraid , only they can do that for themselves .
It’s okay to not be okay , just be sure to reinvent yourself in the process . Re-write your character . Re-adjust the circumstances and set new rules . People will eventually accept it and move on so let go of their expectations and just… be .
When it comes to sadness , separate it from your identity and treat it as a visitor . Get to know him well , but get to know yourself better . Be more clever than your guest and memorize his routines so you can find balance . Make time for him and respect him , listen to what he has to say but keep your objectivity . Exercise , meditate , and , most importantly , let go of the idea that it’s stupid to be depressed.
You’re never going to be the person you pretend to be for anyone else . Stop hating yourself , already .
Sincerely ,
Future you